Episode 115
· 54:17
What's up? I'm Ron Rapatalo, and this is the Ronderings podcast. Around here, I sit down with guests for real, unpolished conversations about the lessons and values that shaped them. And I'll be right there with you, sharing my own take, laughing at myself when I need to, and wondering out loud about this messy thing called life. Glad you pulled up a chair.
Ron Rapatalo:Let's get into it. Welcome back to Ronderings where we explore the ideas, relationships, and moments that help us lead with more courage and more heart. Today's conversation is one that stayed with me much longer after we stopped recording. My guest is Chastity Lord, president CEO of Jeremiah Program, an organization helping create economic mobility for single mothers, their children through education, housing, childcare, and systems change. This conversation goes far beyond nonprofit leadership.
Ron Rapatalo:We talk about the stories we tell ourselves, Mythera could be one of the greatest leadership tools available. Now healing is something you finish, something you continue to practice. Chastity shares the idea of staying in conversation with your own greatness, also being honest about where you're still growing. This is courage through the lens of Harriet Tubman, power of ordinary people doing extraordinary things together, but history still has so much to teach today's leaders. Then she leaves us with one of my favorite Ronderings ever.
Ron Rapatalo:Do you wanna be right? Do you wanna be effective? This question applies whether you're leading an organization, raising children, building marriage, or simply trying to become a better human being. If you're looking for a conversation that will challenge both your head and your heart, you're gonna love this. Here's my conversation, Chastity Lord.
Ron Rapatalo:Ronderings fam. So usually don't record outside of the comfort of my home, but this is special because I'm here in New Orleans at Common House in the Memoir Warehouse area, and I'm I'm amped. I've been so looking forward to talking to my friend Chastity Lord on the Ronderings podcast for a minute, and the energy of the universe got us the combined forces to give y'all this amazing episode. So give it up, Ronderings fam, for Chastity Lord. Chastity, how are doing this this morning for me, but it's afternoon where you are.
Ron Rapatalo:How are doing?
Chastity Lord:I'm good, and you're being kind. I'm looking forward to the conversation too. I was just chatting with you before we hit record. Yeah. You know, a lot of self talk, lot of reminding myself that- Yeah.
Chastity Lord:I'm better than any particular moment and all those things. But the headliners, all the things that are within my control are doing well. Marriage is good. Kid is doing well. Don't know if that's within my control.
Chastity Lord:But anybody that's raised children.
Ron Rapatalo:But I have a I don't feel the pressure. I have a third on the way, Chastity. I have a baby before you can
Chastity Lord:find out.
Ron Rapatalo:I know the
Chastity Lord:force be with you.
Ron Rapatalo:Look at you. Need more than the force, but I'm like, I'm Wow.
Chastity Lord:You know?
Ron Rapatalo:This is gonna be
Chastity Lord:the community.
Ron Rapatalo:Thank you. This is gonna be the community baby. The missus and I have been talking about this. Our boy will be everybody's boy. We can all raise them together.
Ron Rapatalo:No shame in that. Because I think that's that's how I was raised. I'm the youngest of seven, Chastity. Yeah. I was raised by everybody.
Ron Rapatalo:Look. My parents certainly did a great job, but, like, I had sick siblings. I had people in the building. My my siblings, friends. I mean
Chastity Lord:Youngest of seven, it all makes sense now, Ron.
Ron Rapatalo:Wow. Should make... Yeah. Bratty. Loves attention.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. It's all the... Yeah. Super extroverted.
Chastity Lord:I'm the middle.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah.
Chastity Lord:And all of it makes sense there. Yeah.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. So it's good. So, Chastity, let's get right into it. What's your story?
Chastity Lord:I think my story is different based on the day, based on the season, and not like the season of the environment. I think we operate, we live, we love, we grow and exist in different seasons. And the season I'm in is one of deep reflection. And that reflection starts with incredible gratitude. You talked about being the youngest of seven.
Chastity Lord:I'm the middle of three girls. I story starts with being the daughter of Beverly Ann, the granddaughter of Willemay Eddings. And just acknowledging I live a life that my mother and my grandmother couldn't have dreamed for me. I love to say that because they didn't know people that lived like me. And you know, there's that phrase of, you know, your ancestors dreams and I very kind of aware of that in this really kind of beautiful way.
Chastity Lord:And so middle three girls, I grew up really low income. Education was a dominant lever within my life. The library was my babysitter. Fell in love with reading when we watched movies on TV. My mother would make us do book reports.
Chastity Lord:And I always knew that I was gonna go to college, even though my mother didn't graduate from college. And there's something around kind of breathing into your children an expectation of better than in this kind of beautiful way. I would also say my story is one of great humility. I'm very aware that I have a strong work ethic. I'm smart.
Chastity Lord:I am, you know, a great friend, a great all of those things, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it is why I sit where I sit. And so a part of my story is an understanding that the universe has blessed me, this grace. And so I'm not talking about low, having a low self esteem or anything like that, but there's an acknowledgement that to whom much is given, much should be desired. And part of my story is someone who just desires to play full out, live full out in this really beautiful way.
Ron Rapatalo:There's something you mentioned earlier. I'm curious, right, as someone who's also grew up as an avid reader. And you mentioned your mom making you do book reports. Is there a memorable book report you had to do that comes to mind?
Chastity Lord:Imagine if we woulda had AI then. That would've made life so much easier. And think about the
Ron Rapatalo:You would've been you would've been doing a book report every hour.
Chastity Lord:I know. Right? Will tell you a book. I don't remember the actual book report though, but I remember a book that had a huge a huge impact on me. Carol Burnett.
Chastity Lord:And so I fell in love with autobiographies. Now I get it because it helped me understand that where you begin doesn't always have to determine where your life will take you.
Ron Rapatalo:And in
Chastity Lord:a lot of ways it was really incredible kind of testimonies of how life takes these curves and dips and spit you out in all these different places at different seasons of your life. But Carol Burnett's story, I remember reading this and I read a lot of autobiographies that shouldn't be like Tina Turner or whatever. The Carol Burnett one is this woman was grew very low income, was raised by a single mom as well. And she was a first generation college student. And she almost had to drop out after her first year.
Chastity Lord:And in her mailbox one day, she found the money for tuition. She had no idea who put it there. But there was money kind of put in that in her for her tuition. And I remember... And she had talked about how this one inflection point really changed the trajectory.
Chastity Lord:It's where she fell in love with theater and comedy and all these other things, Fast forward. But more importantly, it left an indelible imprint on her regarding the importance of grace and how you can meet angels at this different kind of point. So it's a book that I remember, and I remember when I was reading it also thinking about how I wanted to be an angel one day. In a lot of ways that has actually formed and been an influence in me in ways I've actually never talked about publicly. But we all have angels in our lives.
Chastity Lord:And these little inflection points that doesn't have to be the money. Sometimes it's the person having the tough conversation. Sometimes it's the person kind of whispering to you, sometimes the person kind of making the introduction. And so that's an example of a book I read. I I was probably 10, 11, or something like that.
Chastity Lord:So I was pretty young.
Ron Rapatalo:Wow. You're making me cow... I mean, speaking of Carol Burnett, just watching the Carol Burnett show as a kid still makes me laugh because my favorite part of watching the Carol Burnett show was to see who could make Harvey Korman laugh because that meant that he was like the Jimmy Fallon before Jimmy Fallon was always laughing at f and l skits. Right?
Chastity Lord:I love that.
Ron Rapatalo:And watching his skits, particularly with Tim Conway, Tim Conway's at the dentist and accidentally poking himself at the anesthesia, and then he was, like
Chastity Lord:I just... I love it. I'm like, like, poke the bear. You're way big of a Carol Burnett fan than I am. I don't...
Chastity Lord:I mean, I don't even know her work as closely as that, but Yeah. Some of those names definitely come forward. And and it's in Iran. The beauty of laughter, the beauty of joy and these moments in between the moments that kind of keep us going. And I think it's just really important to, especially being in the season we're in as a community, as a country, not being afraid to find those moments of joy, find those moments of laughter, and be unapologetic about them.
Chastity Lord:Those two are part of the equation to the revolution as well.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. As I found, know, it's funny. Right before we recorded this, I try to get my Ronderings newsletter done before, you know, it's Sunday published at 7AM. Right? And there's something about the consistent habit of it.
Ron Rapatalo:Right? And one of the sections I added over time was one on wellness. And because my name is Ron, it's a really good name that attaches to lots of nouns and adjectives. So I call it Ron ness. I have no sense, basically.
Ron Rapatalo:Right? And as I think about wellness, you know, talking about being unapologetic about joy, that's... But I also talk about my wellness because I'm like, my wellness would not be filled without the moments of joy. The FaceTimes I've been having when I'm here in New Orleans with my family to catch up and hear how their day is going here. Know, my wife took my daughters to the local horse farm that we've seen in Baltimore County forever.
Ron Rapatalo:It's the first time that they went, and my oldest daughter was actually able to, like, gallop a little bit, her first time ever on a horse.
Chastity Lord:Oh, it's okay. A little equestrian okay.
Ron Rapatalo:I I mean, I was like, this is an expensive
Chastity Lord:expensive hobby there, Ron.
Ron Rapatalo:I was like, who's Sophie and Rapatalo? Well, let's just keep you to swimming for now. And then, you know, maybe your godparents or someone else will invest it for you. Thanks. But if she was having the greatest time, like, watch
Chastity Lord:That's great.
Ron Rapatalo:Gave me just to, like, watch that while I was away. I'm like, oh my god. They were having so much fun. You know? Well, there's something that you said about, like, the angels in our lives.
Ron Rapatalo:And so Uh-huh. I'm curious, Chastity, aside from family... Because I think of my own family, like, especially my mom and my dad in heaven is, like, they'd be two of my angels. Right? And I've talked a good deal about them online and on podcast recordings.
Ron Rapatalo:But who's an angel in your life right now?
Chastity Lord:You know?
Ron Rapatalo:That's not family.
Chastity Lord:Right now. That's good.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah.
Chastity Lord:I have been thinking a lot about, I'm going to play with your question a little bit about.
Ron Rapatalo:How place.
Chastity Lord:History has been. Yeah. History is one of the angels in my life right now. Where I am reflecting back on heroes and sheroes that I admire, and remembering that it's important that we don't just celebrate them, but we imitate and embody them. I've been thinking about Harriet Tubman a ton as a hero and a she wrote, but also as an angel because she is a testament to the importance of betting on oneself in the absence of there being examples of her being seen as a person, or clarity of what was on the other side.
Chastity Lord:She said, has got to be better than this. And I just think about the self talk she must have had to be able to get her mind there. You have to remember, she was seen as someone's property. But the thing though, Ron, when I think about her being an angel and as a reminder in this moment, it's one thing for her to get her mind there. It's another thing for her to have to talk to someone else about it.
Chastity Lord:The level of vulnerability that must have been to say, hey, I have an idea. And her willingness to enlist. And so during moments like this that we're living in as a community, as a country, as I'm thinking about as a leader, it's not just about me getting my mind right, being able to get myself to a safe and healthy place. It's also around being able to organize myself in a way that I'm willing to be vulnerable and model care for those on my executive team. How are you doing?
Chastity Lord:Kind of what are you grappling with? It's around being able to communicate, Hey, I'm having a rough day. I'm traveling more than I care to travel, or I'm particularly concerned about X or Y. And so an angel and a reminder that we have done hard things before as women, as black women, as a community, as a country. It's not around exceptionalism, it's a reminder that when I say not just celebrate her, she didn't have an extra chromosome.
Chastity Lord:She was a human. She was like, and so it's just a reminder that that stock is in me as well. And just a reminder to find that and to understand that she must have had challenging and hard and incredibly unbelievable days as well. And so history has been a incredible angel to me right now. I've been thinking about Audre Lorde .
Chastity Lord:I've been thinking about just a lot of folks who have just been willing to be courageous, and not in an outsized way, sometimes just small ways. I've been thinking about the bus boycott. And most people forget that it was over three seventy something days. And so there was no Uber, there was no Lyfts, air condition, you know, they were in it. And so they went through seasons, like literal, like weather seasons of walking in incredible heat and incredible cold.
Chastity Lord:And I bring those up because those angels, we may not know their name, but we feel their impact. And you know, we know Martin's name and some of those folks, but it's important to know the pedestrian, the individual, the unnamed oftentimes may not get the glory, but in the aggregation, we definitely feel their impact. And so if I could play with your question a little bit, that's definitely who have been some of the angels I've been thinking about of late.
Ron Rapatalo:I love how you pulled that because there are so many people that we might not have felt physically proximate to, but we feel their energy and their spirit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because... So in mid June, on Juneteenth, it was also the day that...
Ron Rapatalo:Celebrating José Rizal au. And so there's a statue of Jose Rizal, famous Philippine patriot, who was executed by the Spanish for his writings. I think one of the first, like, modern day writers who was killed for his writing. Right? Because his writing sparked the Philippine revolution against the Spanish in '18...
Ron Rapatalo:In the eighteen nineties. And there was something, like, about the juxtaposition of seeing a bunch of Filipinos by the statue in my neighborhood celebrating Jose Rizalbe and it also being Juneteenth. Right? And this idea of, like, you know, that folks who are both present and that they have names in the history of it, but, like, the folks that were just there and around supporting these, you know, these revolutions that don't get named, but you can feel their palpable energy in what we do to this day. So something I wanna, like, bring up in my memories of you, Chastity, is I've always found your energy to be grounding.
Ron Rapatalo:One of the things I've seen in terms of the generosity of your energy is from, I think, the first time... I think I met you in an Ed Block convening some years back, and we had a New York City or New York State or Northeast regional gathering. And one of the things I remember you did, which I'm sure you've learned this practice from somewhere or something, of going around the table and asking each person for one thing they needed from the group. That has always stuck with me because I swear to goodness, as long as I had been in professional space, it was the first time someone ever led something like that and asked. And I remember Ron was like, oh, I gotta write it on a piece of paper.
Ron Rapatalo:I'm like, what? This is different. But I remember how that made me, and I'm sure other people in this space, many of whom we all kinda do, but maybe didn't put those things out in group meetings like that, how much that, like, broke the ice. So I'm furious, Chastity, you know, in terms of I just personally see you from your writings, from, you know, the Jeremiah Project newsletters that have your vulnerability is one of the angels, I would say, in my life in terms of inspiring me to do better and to speak up more. It's for the self talk that you had for yourself, how would you say that's allowed you to be more courageous and vulnerable?
Ron Rapatalo:Because as we know, those are not things that just organically pop up for us. Even folks in our history like the great Harriet Tubman, Audre Lorde , amongst many others? I'm curious what your journey's been there.
Chastity Lord:First off, thank you for that memory and that shout out. Appreciate that.
Ron Rapatalo:Absolutely.
Chastity Lord:It's really beautiful- Yeah. To be seen and acknowledged. And so I just sit with that and say thank you. I also want to apologize that I got on this call and I committed a pretty big sin for someone that lived in New York for over ten years. Go Knicks and congratulations.
Chastity Lord:Yeah. So self talk. You know, I'm gonna play with your question a little again, Ron. I I wanna give voice to the importance of therapy. I wanna give importance to the importance
Ron Rapatalo:Amen. Of Keep going.
Chastity Lord:Having to creating space for you to be in conversation with someone that you don't have to worry about their feelings, that you don't have to have dinner with later, that you don't have to also ask a favor around pickup or kind of fill in the blank. There is power in hearing yourself talk. And that's ultimately all therapy is. And when people compare it to friends or whatever, said the unique thing is that you're not, you don't have to prioritize the person across from you. If you're a good friend, hopefully you're thinking about that.
Chastity Lord:And so self talk in a lot of ways, I see it as a derivative of that. I think it's important for me to be in conversation with my greatness. And to be in conversation with my greatness, I have to be willing to acknowledge where I'm falling short. And falling short isn't around, and greatness isn't around perfection, it's an understanding of what my baseline is and when I dip below my baseline. My baseline, the baseline is different for everybody else and it's deeply personal.
Chastity Lord:Sometimes it's you knowing that you're not paying attention and nobody may ask no. But that's below my baseline when I'm in conversation with someone. My baseline might be that I do 25 pushups a night. Oh, that last three were kind of weak. And that's just me knowing and just acknowledging that and kind of, you know, giving voice to kind of X, Y or Z.
Chastity Lord:I also think self thought also can be very paternalistic. It allows me to be in conversation with little chastity. Know, 20 year old chastity, 30 year old chastity. Because there's an awareness of how far you've come. It's an awareness and an understanding of how far you desire to go.
Chastity Lord:And you are your first real friend. And I think it is important to nurture that relationship as much as you nurture all the rest. Some people who might be wondering, it doesn't mean literally talking to yourself if that's not what you feel comfortable about, but it's allowing your ideas to have the freedom to roam. It's allowing your mind to be quiet, to be sad where it's sad, to be joyous where it's joyous. Sometimes you want to celebrate things that other people may not see.
Chastity Lord:It just might be your own awareness of your discipline around how you showed up, etcetera. Self talk is an awareness and an acknowledgement of the woman I am, have been and desire to become, and the conversations I have with myself in pursuit and the reflection on each of those.
Ron Rapatalo:That really resonates, number one. I love the shout out to therapy and the idea of talking to whatever previous manifestation of Chastity, 20 year old, 30 year old Yeah. The one that I've used is talking to 10 year old Ronald. So 10 year old Ronald, you know, whether it was before or after my father passed away. Right?
Ron Rapatalo:I think that was a huge inflection point in my life. Right? And that that Ronald was, believe it or not, shy. Right? When people...
Ron Rapatalo:When I tell people that I was shy, they go, what do you... Why are you lying? I'm like, no. I can't be. If you would have met really dirty, bookish, shy around...
Ron Rapatalo:Like, I was loud, but not around people I didn't know. Right? And so I think talking to my 10 year old Ron, like, there... There's an innocence to that Ron. There's a, like, sense of possibility, but it also was the, oh my god.
Ron Rapatalo:My father was taken away from me. And so when I talk to that 10 year old and remember what he felt and what he was thinking, Now soon to be 51 year old Ron as of this Sunday, birthday's coming up, talks to that 10 year old and says, you know, all that sense of possibility and stuff, like, it is happening. The the things that are beyond your wildest dreams, I'm I'm living it, and I still have a lot more to go. And, like, there's something really amazing to tell that to, like, that inner child of mine to feel that.
Chastity Lord:And the thing that I would add on that, Ron, is I didn't say, but I think it's important... It's healing for me too because they're things I'm disappointed about. Yes. And how I've shown up or how I didn't show up. And it's important to create space for me to acknowledge and be vulnerable with myself about those things too.
Chastity Lord:Because nobody lives with you as much as you live with you. And yeah, sometimes it's just you know, having that healing conversation with yourself so that you can move forward.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. I wanna turn key this conversation, taking the healing journey we are all on to something I would love to get your perspective on, Chastity. And so Mhmm. Something I've talked about both privately and certainly on many of Ronderings podcast episode is what it mean... What it is to be a leader today.
Ron Rapatalo:Right?
Chastity Lord:And one
Ron Rapatalo:of the things I've particularly watched for some time in the social impact space is the martyrdom that lives in our space. And I don't... I'm I'm not one to blame leaders for that. Right? I think the systems and the cultures that are created around our social impact organizations, the nonprofits, charters, districts, you name it, right, or designation.
Ron Rapatalo:Right? Related to healing journey, I found... This is my kind of both personal and sort of, like... And also at far observation, is I think folks have not figured out how to be explicit on their healing journey. Right?
Ron Rapatalo:You know, when we say, like, hurt people hurt people, I've seen hurt leaders destroy organizations and cultures. Right? And sometimes, like, people I personally like have done these things because then here from afar, like, that's not my experience, that person, Ron. They love you, but, like, they did this stuff. And I was like, wait.
Ron Rapatalo:What? Oh my. Mhmm. And I'm wondering your perspective on this combination of leading today, how challenging, difficult it is with everything going on, while also the juxtaposition of, I I think what you and I are frankly talking about is the deeply spiritual personal responsibility there is for us to find ways to heal, even with all the other things that are happening around us, some of which we're in control of, some of which we're not.
Chastity Lord:I think one of the things that I think is important to first acknowledge is that it's evergreen. And I think sometimes we think we are through with it before it is actually through with us. And so if you think about a cut, Neosporin, the skin comes back together. But if you look really closely, there's still a scar. There's typically some.
Chastity Lord:And the deeper the need for the healing, the deeper the lasting impacts kind of. And so, one of the things that I think is important to do as leaders, but also as humans, I think that's where it starts first, is acknowledging what is a part of your story, what's a part of your journey, and understanding the evergreen nature that that is. The same way that once you, you know, hurt your knee, even though you've gone through PT or whatever, you're thoughtful and careful around putting it in positions that may cause that hurt to happen again. So there has to be an awareness of a remembering of that piece. And so that's what I would say about that.
Chastity Lord:I think it's important to acknowledge we're all susceptible to it. And one of the biggest points of advice that I would give that I live by is healing is evergreen and sometimes that injury can pop up in the most inopportune ways. How do you align yourself to recognizing and being able to see the signs or the tales of when that is possibly coming. It's like when you're coming down with a cold, kind of start to feel it. It's just a little something's off and then it kind of, and then if you're not listening, the whisper gets louder, get louder and louder.
Chastity Lord:I think in a lot of ways we have to make sure that some of the things that we are... We have been working through as leaders, that we've been working through as humans, you know, stay at bay.
Ron Rapatalo:Me do another turnkey. I'd be remiss in this episode not to give you space to talk about the incredible organization you lead, the Jeremiah Project. So for our audience, Chastity, can you describe what the Jeremiah Project is, why you formed it? And I'd love for you to talk about the great work that Jeremiah Project is doing nationally.
Chastity Lord:Cool. So first and foremost, it's important. I've been in the COC. It'll be seven years since September. Jeremiah program is, we lovingly call it JT, has been around twenty eight years.
Chastity Lord:And so I did not found it. But the premise is, the mission is, we wake up thinking about single mothers and their children in pursuit of economic mobility two generations at a time. Oftentimes people want to engage with children, but a food insecure child has a food insecure adult. And oftentimes people want to engage with a housing insecure adult, but a housing insecure child, but a housing insecure child has a housing insecure adult. And so we really look at this through a two generation framework, really three, mom, child, and community, because moms naturally dream in threes for themselves, their families, but also for their communities because they know where their children are walking into.
Chastity Lord:And the organization, as I said, is about 28 years old and our theory of change is three parts. We do our direct service programming. 100% of our moms are in college or pursuing college within six months of being with us. 100% have at least one child under the age of seven. We're in nine cities across the country.
Chastity Lord:About 50% of those are residential, like two and three bedroom apartment units, childcare centers, and our larger urban centers like in New York City on the corner of Pacific And 3rd And Brooklyn. We sit at the nexus of a family's life right across the street from the Snap Wick office, etcetera. And so we do our direct service programming. We foster, we are building the largest coalition of single moms in this country, because we understand their individual and collective power. Ron, folks often think about single moms as this niche group and they represent a real coalition.
Chastity Lord:Based on 2023 census data, about a third of households are single parent led, a third. 80% of those are single moms. And so we really
Ron Rapatalo:I had understood no idea. Oh my God. That was large. Wow.
Chastity Lord:Huge. Holly. And so when you, we think about coalition building and leveraging public policy and service because otherwise you're just playing whack a mole. You're not going to fundraise yourself kind of out of this.
Chastity Lord:We've got to think about organizing frameworks and public policy agendas. We often believe that when single moms win, you know, women win, families win and communities win. You say single moms, you immediately bring children into the conversation, you immediately bring gender and you immediately bring economic mobility. And so there's a way of really leveraging them as a blueprint for public policy, not through altruistic reasons. Let's just look at this on ROI in a big way.
Chastity Lord:And then I said we do, we foster that mobilization, that coalition, and then we influence. And a lot of that is through narrative and civic infrastructure. We have a report that just hit GO in partnership with the Urban Institute. We do this annual convening every year, 600 folks in person. March of this year, for the first time, we open it up to any single mom across the country.
Chastity Lord:Ron, we had 2,500 people sign on across 43 states, and even geographic split. And the report just talks about things similar to their most recent housing, bipartisan housing legislation that just passed. It was pretty historic. You know, in that report through the Urban Institute, ninety seven percent, ninety seven percent of single moms across 43 states said they'd had serious housing hardship in the last year. Over sixty four percent had left or not worked due to childcare challenges.
Chastity Lord:And so one of the things we deeply believe is just elevating the stories. What I love to say is the math doesn't math. You know what $15.80 represents, Ron? No. The federal minimum wage is $7.25.
Chastity Lord:$15.80 is the annual salary pretax for the federal minimum wage. Let some of us are jumping toward, you know, $15 an hour. That's $30,000 pretax. Let's just go crazy and make it $21 an hour. That's $45,000 pre tax without paid sick leave, without federally mandated PTO.
Chastity Lord:And I don't know about you, but we're talking about our kids earlier. Kids get sick, people get sick. And so some of that influence and narrative infrastructure is really creating spaces where people can get proximate to the realities, as Baldwin talked about how expensive it is to be poor in America.
Ron Rapatalo:Oh, that was... I had not heard a lot of that data before Chastity well. And I think the thing that resonates with me is just around the housing situation with single mothers. Right? That's stark.
Ron Rapatalo:Right? Because I know how hard it is for people to find housing when they are married. Right? Yep. And have dual incomes.
Ron Rapatalo:Right? And considering what the bubbles are like around housing, especially where I live in Jersey City, it is... So what kind of
Chastity Lord:great stat that no city, is no... Let's see. There's no state in The US that a person working on minimum wage can afford a two bedroom apartment.: You guys, the math does not math.: And one of the things that I want to highlight is we have mid year elections coming up with SNAP and WIC and Medicaid being moved to the state level for the first time. There's a real opportunity to bring our voices. I want to highlight that 2028 is federal election, but it's also the first full year of that SNAP implementation.
Chastity Lord:And what I want people to remember is 2030, we have the US Census. Billions, billions of dollars, billions of dollars are going to be at play that has a ten year shadow on the lives of a lot of the communities that we love and care about. So when we talk about mobilizing 30,000 single moms by 2030, it's leveraging their individual and collective power, their low propensity voters. But these are folks that this past January, they played with their snap and wick money, 45 days You know, Ron, I bet you have experienced a situation where you thought a check was coming and it didn't come. Oh I probably, none of your listeners have experienced a situation when that check didn't come and nobody felt responsible for telling you when it was.
Chastity Lord:They literally had no idea. And that was a core memory, a core opportunity that we're organizing around and helping them understand that public policy sits on your kitchen table in a different way. You can tell I'm not passionate about this stuff.
Ron Rapatalo:I mean, I... But I think this is what we need to... I mean, to... You know, I I I... I'm so grateful for the reminder of these things.
Ron Rapatalo:Right? You know, this... I I was like, oh my god. 2030 is not far away. And, yes, that's when our next census goes.
Ron Rapatalo:And the money relate... I'm just, you know, I'm thinking of the things, like like, right in front of my face, you know, certainly part of the conversation being here in New Orleans that's... Was all over the conference are the scholarship grant organizations. Everyone's talking about SGOs and the federal tax credit that comes with, like... And so that's...
Ron Rapatalo:You know? But I'm seeing this stuff that's, like, right in front of my face, like... But there's also a progression of other things that, like Mhmm. I I think there's no other way to say it, but, like, you have to stay present in all of these moments because if you don't and you just put your head down, these money and resources are very easily... Can easily pass us by.
Ron Rapatalo:You know? So
Chastity Lord:For sure. For sure.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. Why ask you my Ronderings question, Chastity? I know we talked about joy earlier, but I'm wondering, in this moment, where is Chastity finding her joy?
Chastity Lord:You know, it's trite. There's something about being able to be a parent that keeps you humble. They like give zero, zero, zero about all the titles and
Ron Rapatalo:No,
Chastity Lord:And he just wants to kind of be in my presence. I have conversations like, Okay, no more hugs. Okay, no more kiss. I mean, we're at that phase, you know? And there's something really joyful when you're in the car and he wants to play, we call it phone, where he wants me to call him, and then he pretends like he's disrespectful kid, and he laughs like what you would do, I mean, so joy.
Ron Rapatalo:When Or, mean, mean, he's gotta be fun.
Chastity Lord:Game called DJ, where I pick a song and he gets to pick a song. Like I introduced him to Pink yesterday and he introduced to the, I don't know if you guys seen that, square pants, what's that, square Square pants, that rap song that I can normally say normally. And so like, you know, that's joy. Just hanging out with my son and doing all those things, taking care of myself, working out, lifting weights, having baseline therapy massages. All of those things are, And then just like trash TV on Netflix and all the other things.
Chastity Lord:Like, it doesn't have to be deep. And so all of those things are bringing me joy.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. My wife and I have a guilty pleasure of all the reality TV shows, particularly the Real Housewives shows. It's just so... And then and then I think where we really align, it's all the naughty the... Naughty day fiance, like, sweet things.
Ron Rapatalo:Like, the last resort... It's so bad.
Chastity Lord:I'm You like saw the guy who was, formerly incarcerated or something that had been, there's some guy that they let on that show that had, they need to do stronger screening. I don't watch any of the Housewives, but I did see this documentary on the Utah one
Ron Rapatalo:about the Hot mess. Oh my god. To
Chastity Lord:marry her grandfather.
Ron Rapatalo:It's the... You can't make this stuff up.
Chastity Lord:Was just headed on in the background working at some point. I was just like, what?
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. It's so funny because I think these shows, intentionally speaking of, like, stronger background checks, it's like Yeah. Bad publicity is good for these shows because it makes it juicy to watch to see these kind of, like, explosive things happen and all the arguments. And it's just like... It's so funny.
Ron Rapatalo:Like, in the Real Housewives world, the arc of the season is always predicated on the group trip. They do a group trip. So... And there's inevitably a fight. They're trying to heal because that's what it's gonna do with the group.
Ron Rapatalo:They never heal.
Chastity Lord:I love that you guys are watching this as a couple. That brings me great joy. This now, that brings me great joy. Yeah. I will forever ask you.
Chastity Lord:So how are... Is the couple housewife watching going? I love that.
Ron Rapatalo:And it's funny because it's just one of those things where it's like, if the missus and I had a podcast that just talk about all the programming you watch, ninety day fiance, all the real housewives, house of the dragon, the bear, all this, we just... Sometimes I laughed.
Chastity Lord:You saw the bear and then the bear. That's not fair to the bear. That's, like, stands alone. That's, like, quality.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. You're right. That needs us.
Chastity Lord:That's pretty incredible TV over there. But... Yeah.
Ron Rapatalo:It is. Yeah. I'm really excited to do my binge watching of the final season. I have not... I I saw it, and it was like wow.
Chastity Lord:There's so much good TV, though, Ron. Like, it is like the pit. Like, I'm behind on so much. But, I mean, it went from, like, nothing being to... Sometimes people tell me.
Chastity Lord:Was like, I'm sure that's great. But there's like, who has time? It's just so much greatness.
Ron Rapatalo:It's really hard. Yeah. I just got... Because I had to get a new Mac. I have a three month free Apple TV subscription.
Ron Rapatalo:I'm like, oh, here's all these shows I wanna watch. Haven't got to... Man, I've watched Ted Lasso, but then, like, you know, one of the fun shows I'm watching now is Loot with my god.
Chastity Lord:Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know with the Mayara Rudolph. It's good. She's like a That's a philanthropist.
Chastity Lord:It's good. She... It's hilarious.
Ron Rapatalo:Just plays herself.
Chastity Lord:She's clueless.
Ron Rapatalo:It's hilarious.
Chastity Lord:And it's good.
Ron Rapatalo:Yeah. It's real. Well, Chastity, we're at that time of the episode that I get to ask you the super reflection question
Chastity Lord:Okay.
Ron Rapatalo:Which is, what's your Ronderings? What's the lesson or value you wanna share with the audience today? And you've shared a number of nuggets admittedly.
Chastity Lord:I'm gonna
Ron Rapatalo:give you space for what's your Ronderings. Kinda like the rainbow thing that would happen in Thesis and Miro, but I don't have a rainbow graphic here.
Chastity Lord:But we have the housewives. Ask. I would say ask yourself this question constantly and regularly as a leader, as a human, as a spouse. Do you want to be right or do you want to be effective? And so what do I mean by that?
Chastity Lord:Sometimes when you're wedded to being right, it's just like you want to throw the ball. But when you want to be effective, that means you want to play catch. Want the person to be able to throw it back to you. You have to pay attention to what they can handle and what they can absorb. I think sometimes as a leader, you might be right, but the effective thing is to play the long game around X, Y, or Z.
Chastity Lord:And let the scoreboard do what it will. But I think the truth of the matter is being wedded to being right is much more ego. Being wedded to being effective is more about culture. It's more about strategy. It's more about a desire and an understanding that comes the dawn.
Chastity Lord:I am not talking about people taking advantage of you. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those little nuance things around how to, you know, I'm going go back to Harriet, how to help as many people see that where they are isn't necessarily where they have to be. And so that's my Ronderings. Do I want to be right or do I want to be effective?
Chastity Lord:And that's the thing I ask and I think about regularly and constantly. Sitting at the dinner table. There's some days where this is not the lesson to have, you know, how are you holding your fort conversation with your son? Because the effective thing is, we're having a great time, we're talking about X, Y, or Z. Do I want to be right or effective with my spouse?
Chastity Lord:It's a really busy time. Lots of balls are being dropped. But what's the big picture? Making sure to support them as they are navigating this incredible event that they're planning for. And so that's what I'm talking about.
Chastity Lord:Sometimes we get so buttered to being right. You said that's not that we lose the value of the moment or the season. There's my Ronderings.
Ron Rapatalo:You know, every time I chat with you, Chastity, you pour into me. You saying that, I'm like thinking, oh, boy. Conversations with the kids, therapy with the missus. I'm like, boy, that's the eternal struggle to be right or to be effective. I'm like, oh Yep.
Ron Rapatalo:Because the thing we have going on right now with our oldest daughter is we told her she'd get a phone at thirteen. She is chat GPT ing and asking, like, why can't I get a phone now? Because all of her girlfriends have a phone. They're going to summer camp together, and she doesn't wanna be left out. Right?
Ron Rapatalo:I get it. And at the same time, I'm just like, we hear your arguments. They're all fair, and your birthday is coming in December. You will have your phone banned. You know?
Ron Rapatalo:And it's like... It reminds to be Rider B. Phil, but, like, we... You know, we... We're playing the long game here with her.
Ron Rapatalo:It's like, you not getting the phone doesn't mean that we don't trust you. It just means you don't need it right now. And I know as much as you want, like, you being at camp, we're taking you there. It's not like you're... Like, there's nothing.
Ron Rapatalo:We might decide to get it early for her because I think with the missus, you know, expecting in mid September, her walking Ava to school... Because it's about a little less than a mile away. So if Ava gets on the scooter and Sofia walks with her, that might be the way we decide to give her the phone. It's like, look. We'll get you the phone, but this is part of, like, what this responsibility entails.
Ron Rapatalo:That mean, we will pay for for you. And it also means, like, over time, when you start getting employment and other things, you're gonna have to learn to be respond... Because for us to just pay and for... Because god bless her heart. But, like, she's just...
Ron Rapatalo:He forgets her charger 50% of the time on things. I'm like, I can only imagine with this phone. It looks like, oh god. You're gonna have it. And it's like,
Chastity Lord:is that working? Crying out.
Ron Rapatalo:I don't Like, oh lord. I
Chastity Lord:didn't know it needed to be charged.
Ron Rapatalo:Yes. But
Chastity Lord:I think also in that example,
Ron Rapatalo:it's
Chastity Lord:it's not really about the phone. No. What's your daughter's name?
Ron Rapatalo:Sophia.
Chastity Lord:I would, Sophia, my job is to keep you safe. And there are going to be times where I'm not able to do that because it's going to be your job to keep you safe. And right now it's my job and I'm doing everything I can to keep you safe. And every time you ask me about that, we're questioning my desire to keep you safe. We can agree to disagree, but I want you to know that's what I'm doing.
Ron Rapatalo:I love that. I'm gonna talk and mention that to the missus because I'm sure she said that in her own way to Sofia several times. Is Sofia
Chastity Lord:I mean, of course, everybody's having that comment. But this is my time. This is my time to keep you safe. You're going to have Yeah. She's actually moving into the...
Chastity Lord:It's gonna be up to you. It... I will no longer be able to be in those rooms with you. You're gonna be charged with keeping you safe. And that's all I'm doing right now.
Ron Rapatalo:Well, Chastity, before we go Yes. What would you like to promote? How do people find you?
Chastity Lord:Please. I'm not big on social. Anybody that is listening that hasn't reached out in a while or wants to grab a virtual coffee, reach out to me on LinkedIn. Happy to Beautiful. Chat.
Chastity Lord:The other thing that I would say is this report that we just published. Yes. Doctor. The Urban Institute elevating the voices of single moms, 43 states, 33 questions across a host of different, just go to the Urban Institute's website, put Jeremiah program in there, just Google it, it'll be there. And the headline is, it's not about you caring about single mothers.
Chastity Lord:If you care about childcare, housing, food insecurity, education, or mental health, centering single mothers actually is a tie that lifts all boats. Let's use it as an organizing framework.
Ron Rapatalo:I love that. Certainly going to be promoting that report as part of my teaser Mhmm. Just summary of our convo so folks know that this episode is coming. Chastity, thank you so much for your grace, for your wisdom, for your time with me today in our audience on Ronderings. I always end off every episode because everyone knows I'm a sports nut and one of my heroes in the sports space that I always end off with, in the words of Neon Deion Sanders, we always come hot with amazing guests like Chastity Lord.
Ron Rapatalo:Peace, y'all.
Chastity Lord:Prime time.
Ron Rapatalo:Prime time. One of the many reasons I started Ronderings is I believe the best leaders don't just give us answers. It gives better questions. Chastity certainly did that today. As you go into your week, I'll leave you the questions she posed throughout our conversation.
Ron Rapatalo:Do you wanna be right, or do you wanna be effective? Moments when our e bill wants to win this argument, the moments when leadership asks us to build trust and understanding play the long game instead. We'll help you spend more time leading... Learning more about the work of Jeremiah program, the Urban Institute report elevating the voices of single moms. Realities facing single mothers are on housing, childcare, education, and economic mobility are niche issues, their leadership issues, community issues, and ultimately all of our issues.
Ron Rapatalo:This episode challenged and encouraged you. I'd appreciate it if you'd subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who believes leadership is about creating opportunities for others. As always, thanks for spending time with me. Till next time, keep broadening, keep learning, keep leading, keep making room for conversations, change the way you see the world. Peace.
Ron Rapatalo:Thank you for listening to today's Ronderings. I enjoyed hanging out with me and my guests, and I hope you leave with something worth chewing on. If it made you smile, think, or even roll your eyes in a good way, pass it along to someone else. I'm Ron Rapatalo, until next time, keep Rondering, keep laughing, and keep becoming. Podcaststhatmatter.org.
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